my uncle: "that was a nice potty"
anothony rossi: "jews!"
worker at T.G.I.Fridays after me and pat jura ran off with 2 handfulls of mints each: "oh no, they stole mints..."
mr donia: "xyster is oyster with an x!"
me: "i just want to stick it in the pink monster"
me: "i call her rosco"
tim stellhorn: "we came to wreck everything and ruin your life, god sent us."
tim: "have you ever picked up your teeth with broken fingers before? just a question."
arian: "what?! did you say somethin cock, i didnt here you the first time."
me: "DEHA FUCK!"
tim: "brains?"
mr donia mixing the words register and roster: "rogister"
mr donia after repeating floppy disks several times: "floppy dicks"
Jaime: "masterbation is like procrastination, your just fucking yourself in the end." Substitute: "stop whistling before i break your lips"
me: "thats my guess best"
me to jaime: "you have big floppy titties too"
pat: "you think thats WACKY?"
pat: "talking to a car smalesman"
me: "baby's are at risk especially in poo season"
daves brother: "call back in 11 to 20 minutes"
hops: if you ever see a man running down the street with no pants on and his penis is wapping of his leg, you better run with him cause there's some scary shit the other way
jason: i understand. no one ever lets me do anything, people even exclude me from certain "reindeer games" because of my adoption. (and my glowing red nose)
aryan: you think your big? your just a big pile of shit, and i'm gunna splatter you against the wall.
max: im gunna fuck you in the ass
me: im the doctor for you (referring to circumcision and the operation game)
aryan: looks like we'll have to operate on your texas, son
max: snickers, the big one!
aryan: better watch your ass, its dangerous times
aryan: gotta keep it judo
max: your gunna get it!
aryan: more cum shots is what the people want, i am the voice of the voiceless!
max: hey baby, will you sit on my face so i can eat my way to your heart?
max: do you wash your clothes with windex because i can see myself in your pants.
max doing impression of magic johnson: homie, i got aids...but i cans till plaaaaay the game.


Conversations
1) Tim stellhorn: "me, ted, jason and geoff are the 4 horsemen of the apocolypse."
me: "i dont know about jason, he's the lumberjack of the apocolypse, chopping his way to the new millennium"

2) ms burke: "matteo, turn in your journal tomorrow"
me: "no"

3)pat jura talking about the show "Figure it out"
pat: "they said "does it involve applesauce"
pat: "imagine me saying to you, "does it involve a dog""

4) jaime: "simon says that you love me"
me: "simon can say whatever he wants, but i gotta go"

5) pat: "do you think he'd be on the top 10?"
me: "who?"
pat: "number 10"

6)me thinking id left a huge jar of pepperacini's in illionois: "PEPPERACINI'S!"
my dad: "we have a whole jar full"
me: "we brought them?"
my dad: "yep"
me: "excellent"
my dad: "thats you viewpoint"
comment: now if you know what pepperacini's do to your shit youd laught at that, because they give you light to dark green diarrhea shits, but they taste sooooo good.

7) ::sirens in background::
me: theyre coming for us guys
pat: "QUICK CRUSIFY YOURSELVES!" falls off log

8) me: the lighter was on your leg
joe: you put it there!
me: don't blame your misfortunes on me

9) me: is beanie baby high voiced muppet there?
daves bro: uhhhhhhh
me: dabe da dense perbert?
dave's brother: uhhhhhhh

10) checo: she calls me mexy melt
me: because you melt in her mouth and not in her hand?

11) mrs zang: it smells like bagels in here, like when you walk into a bagel shop and you smell fresh bread.
john cain: no, i just wake up in the morning and rub bagels all over my body.

12)teenage sex: you have your own domain and you make plugins or sumthing of the sort correct?
c a u s t i k: yea
teenage sex: and you would be considered of good taste in the website industry
teenage sex: correct?
c a u s t i k: yea
teenage sex: tell me what you think of http://spoutcast.cjb.net
teenage sex: forget about the fat women in bathtubs and men fucking theire own asses teenage sex: just stick to the basics